This is My Gift of Giving

Shout out to a Happy Holiday.

Much love to any faithful out there and enjoy all the blessings that remain hidden among us during the most famous B-day party in the known universe.

.....Break Me Off A Piece

Shout out to Intermission.

Pardon the interruption, but at this time we will be enjoying the fruits of non-labor and my lazy behind is gonna stretch this hiatus longer than any of you would care to enjoy or rather have a complete lack of regard for in the first place. No worries though. Since I do it for the people yall know I can't end it like this. SOOOO, for your continuing pleasure, ya boy and his E-child will be returning the first of year. A fresh start for all, and for all a good night......

*In the MEANtime, lets WASTEtime......

Cop what's in the headphones...

Be a Pirate...

Art Appreciation Sucks...

...Or Interact With Urban Peasants

This is It

Shout out to The Greatest.

There's not much to say that hasn't already been said. The King is gone, but the love and happiness he spread will flood the Earth for eternity. We adore you more than ever Mike. Rest in Peace.

Let's End Global Hunger the Right Way....

Shout Out to Ramen.

Much appreciation to you my friend, for your noodles have surely saved countless college students around the world from the Hands of Starvation.....Mastering the art of convenience and price, you have helped many overcome the tragic symptoms of "broke-nigger-syndrome", a formidable deterrent that has the potential of pandemic. As I savor your lack of taste, I smile because your shallow value only cost me a couple nickels I found in the laundry room the other day......

Your Future is Bright!

Shout out to College Bums.

I'm talkin bout them niggas that know damn well they aint students, but are livin such worthless lives that they got nothing better to do than walk around campus disgracing the hell out of the negro race. I'ma just let yall bum niggas know, the females aint feelin you and your eight-years-outa-high-school-but-still-wearin-the-same-4xL-gear style too much bruh. I'm just helpin yall out, brutha to brutha. And yah, old white dudes do it on occasion too, but they're usually just pshycotic rapists stalking their next score of females to dismantle their womanhood, so they don't really count......

One Small Step on the Face......

Shout out to La Luna.

How chill is the moon. Sitting in the constant shadow of big brother, homie gets like no respect sitting out there in the cut of gravitational orbit. I mean think about it. With personal responsibility for ocean tide, werewolves, astronauts, and the personal fav, moonlight walks on the beach{insert smiley face for the succeeding events}, he deserves just a bit of appreciation don't ya think? So, much love to the crusty faced, pre-teen, ever-changing, asteroid wannabe reject out there. I'm out like eclipse.....

I Need to Go on a Diet......

Shout out to Cannibals.

I'm literally waiting for the day that the cookbook, "Human Flesh: the Other Other White Meat" is published so I can go cop that bad boy on the low-low. I've been searchin for a nice recipe of steamed kneecap with a side of baby feet for like a good minute, but havn't been able to find a decent one anywhere. Do you know how boring back-of-the-neck sandwiches can be every freakin day? Of course you don't. Ah, well. Maybe I'll just go for a salad.....

Found It!!!!

Megs 4 Life.......

Shout out to Cousin Skeeter.

Ok, though this was one of my official throwback joints circa 1993, largely because of the wifey Meagan puttin in work as a pre-teen honey.....I now find a lot of things wrong with the concept of this show. Let me know, because I might not be informed, but since when have niggas been stupid enough to be down with a puppet for a relative. I'm thinkin this entire show is a perspective of all them trippin off somethin together. And, why did they make his COTTON hair so nappy bruh? Its like on another level of thickness. Finally, homeboy has the word "Skeet" in his name, which was why the classic Nick hit, Doug, was cancelled on the low-low. (Double Side-Shout out to the name Patty Mayonnaise...I mean, come on.)

One of the Most Irrelevant Derivatives.....

Shout out to Bootleg Flicks.

Am I the only one who actually enjoys the synthetic ambiance of a downgrade? The funny thing is that I don't see much of a difference between here and there, ya know. I mean, hearing people laughing in the background from the same jokes i've chuckled at actually makes me feel like i'm right there in the crowd. I don't even get mad when some fat woman gets up in front of the camera to take her bada** kid outside for a whoopin. And, who cares about the grainy quality anyway....it's just as if it was my fault that I got to the theatre late and had to sit way in the back next to the homie that's gettin domed up for the first time in his life. Shoot, all I gotta do is pop some corn, dim the lights, stick some gum on my kicks, and I got the full theatre experience......

Before the Beginning......

Shout out to Man's Precedence.

Real talk, like how freakin bored was the man upstairs before all this human race jazz went down? I mean He is and forever has been right....just imagine. Sitting in the void of perfect darkness for an hour would be boring beyond belief, homie was doing if for God knows how long. I can bet money the Lord was like the ultimate O.G. up there freestylin and what not to pass the time. That's how he came up with so many dope ideas for the creation of all creations. If he woulda added a few bars here and there to the Holy Book i'm sure alot more people would be more interested in reading. Imagine all the samples.....

Death has a Soundtrack.......

Shout out to Charlie Clouser's Hello Zepp.

Formally known as that end track in the Saw films where the infinity of twists always comes together. In anticipation for the latest addition coming to theaters soon (nah, I aint gettin a stack to promote, though I should) I been watchin some of the past films and yo, real talk, this joint is dope creepy. Aside from it's association with all those self-enhanced death traps, the composure really is actually done quite well. After coppin it, go head and take yourself in a dark room and let this thing ride. I swear that pig mask bout to make an appearance any second.....

Hit up the Sample.

Or illegaly download here....

The World in a Box

Shout out to Youtube.

Yet another unusual addition to modern facets of global takeover. Besides toilet paper and comfortable shoes, I'd have to say Youtube is one of the most under-appreciated tools we have today, simply because it negates so many other boredom savers. Bump buyin anything; cds, tv shows, even whole movies be stayin alive on this joint. And, surely any video clip that has been worthy of actually being made is somewhere in this condensed universe. From a dog that plays the tuba to compilations of tripping grandmas, and the first music video ever made to homemade tapings of a first baby's' birth.....peep just about anything with the click of a button. Ima warn yall right now though, watch yaself cause mind control is on the rise, ya dig........

Caught on Tape.....

Back Then it Was Just To Get By.....

Shout out to Black Star.

I honestly can't believe I forgot how ill these niggas used to be. Unknown to the general hip-hop audience, which are also referred to as "dumb", the homies Talib Kweli and Mos Def formed their own tag team back in the late 90s and dropped the self-titled album on the plates of anonymous fans everywhere. Though the not-so-super group failed to make a substantial venture together, dudes still put in work. I mean, back then niggas rapped like they were tryin to eat, ya feel me. With Mos' legendary flow and Talib bringin diction straight outta Webster's, there's really no way you can go wrong......

Peep they style....

....And friend, Common Sense.

Talk about Features....

How Fashionably Inconsistent.....

Shout out to This Picture.

Ima just go head and label this one right here, Tunnel Vision. Aside from adding some sort of unusual complementary factor, I don't really need to explain how or why this image is so dope. I mean chick is completely bringin' a new flavor to all these played out hoodies in circulation. Its a known fact that most of the heat emitted from our bodies comes from the head.....so who needs pants? And, though that hood is reminiscent of some ol' HP Dementor/ Grim Reaper joint, I can't help but think there is one fine honey behind that semi-robe there. So, i'm wishin this new fashion revolution into the potential transition to fame cause it's bout time to switch the style up. I'm out like half her wardrobe.......

Spongebob Aint Got Shizzy On Me....

Shout out to Football Head & Company.

Hey Arnold! is defined as, where TV animation meets perfection. Arguably the greatest weekday cartoon of all time, the show literally led to Nick's future downturn because it was that muthaluvin' good. I mean it was so entertaining I can't even recall why. All I remember is somethin' about a dope a** granny who new kung-fu, weird interacial luvin' between the homie Gerald and that smart asian chick, Helga and her uni-brow spending hours in a shrine of chewed bubblegum and closet dust, one episode bout a kid who miraculously survived thirteen years of scoliosis on his front porch, and the most incredible bedroom at the top of a boarding house i've ever seen. Where has all this gone? It's a distant memory that kids these days will never have the fortune of knowing.......

*Shout out to PBS' six yr. old ardvark for coming in at a close second......

Retro Ev......

Spontaneous Head Explosion

Shout out to Snipers.

I'm sure the eleven days of isolation, with no movement, sleep, or food, combined with 98 degree weather, stale a** breath, and self-defecation are all well worth the satisfaction of putting a bullet hole the size of fist through that nigga you've been restlessly stalking like the homie from No Country For Old Men (cop that joint). Unfortunately, after compromising your mission cause a slight gust of wind threw the trajectory a half inch off.....well i'm not sure how happy you gonna be with that week old doo-doo in ya cameos.

If I Aint Got You....Then There's a Problem

Shout out to My Oh, My Oh, My Boooo.

Aliciaaaaa....Why girl, why? I really don't even know when all this happened, but you got me like for real. I mean yall remember when she was straight gangsta with them tight a** braids, baggy denim, and what not. For a minute I thought you were lesbo all day. Well ever since she done switched the style up, but kept that tantalizingly deep, raspy voice, my list of super honey's has reserved a special place for you my love. All ima say, is she just that fine aight. She fine in so many ways.....smh. When I make my millions, dinner and a movie on me baby. Maybe coffee at my place afterwards.....Aight, skip the coffee. I'm out like them throwback cornrows.....

Are Yall Seeing This????

Thanks For the Dedication Lovely....

They're Basically Pubes....

Shout out to Ponytails.

I have a question. Who was the perv to stare at the rear end of a horse long enough and enjoy the relative hair back there so much that they decided to convince their lover to style themselves in the same fashion? Whoever he is I hope he became a professional negotiator because he could surely pursued someone to do nearly anything. And, what up with his preference? Have you not noticed how awesome a squirrel's tail is bruh.... Also, for all you chicks who might wear your ponytail to the side, either recognize it's not the 70's or accept the fact that I will make fun of you....

*Sidenote, where exactly does a horse tail grow out of anyway?

When I Meet This Kid It's Over.....

Shout out to Another White Kid I Hate.

I wont get too much into this because it's pretty self-explanatory. Just go head and peep this vid below so we can have something in common.....

I just want to hit him....One Time.

How Emo of Me.....

Shout out to the One that Got Away.

Yah, we all have 'em. That missed opportunity with someone we considered too special to simply forget. So, let's all take a minute to once again reminisce about how badly we failed and loathe in our own shallow pool of self-pity.......Alright, enough of that. There's literally billions n' trillions of fish in the sea people. And, who knows where and who you might reunite with in the future, right? So, much love to you baby. You've successfully reserved some space in my eternal memory, but you aint gon' be the only one. Time for a swim......

My Pit Stain is Shaped Like a Teddy Bear

Shout out to Deodorant.

Thank you for procrastinating my funk. I've literally gone days without bathing and still remained newborn baby fresh with the help of Right Guard and his associates. Also, little known secret for all the fellas out there.....wear the chick kind. That Dove go hard bruh. Besides, you know how they give us those crusty solid bars that, if you put too much on, clump up like the turd droppings that get stuck in all that booty hair elephants have and falls down to their tail as well. Ah, wait, now i've lost my train of thought........

*Side note, if you actually wear girls' deodorant you officially give me the permission to call you a homo...

It's the Year of the Dragon.....

Shout out to Bruce Lee a.k.a. The Ultimate Bada**

King Kong aint got nuthin on me; that's all I can say about the man, the myth, the legend known as Bruce Lee. His rise to fame through classics such as Fist of Fury, Enter the Dragon, and Game of Death was inevitable as he displayed the greatest skills of numerous martial arts the world will ever see. And, the 5'7 homie wasn't just an act. Legend has it the last thing you saw before you died was the infamous one-piece yellow jumpsuit in all its spandex like glory. Like, real talk, i'm pretty sure if Bruce fought a grown male gorilla on steroids he'd come out unscathed. Sucks we lost him so early because once they've figured out cloning, dude would have been the solution to ending the war in Iraq.....

Make Sure You Do Your Homework

If You Don't Know Now You Know....

And, For the Win....

*Side shout out to that wierd Huwah!! noise, or however it goes.....

#2 On the List of America's Most Disgraceful

Shout out to Rednecks.

I mean, I definately gotta have one of those full body camoflauge wedding dresses for the wifey cause she needs something special to add with her uncombed lady mullet, trash-bin tennis shoes, and that off brand silver bling I bought her for only a nickel in that fancy future-like machine they got when you walkin' out the Kmart. "Baby, can you iron my sleevless, checkered confederate flag button-up while I go over to Bubba's trailer to see if I can find my John Deer cap?? Oh, and I ran over dinner this mornin so after you're done go out to the truck and grab that thang out the truck willya? But, be careful of them porch monekys next door they like to come out at night cause' they noxturtle. Love you too Bertha....."

Southern Bred Inventors Incorporated.

Nowhere Will Recieve Thee....

Shout out to Track #4 of Lupe Fiasco's The Cool.

Homie this is your masterpiece. The secondary ballad of a fallen hustler runs epically against the sounds of an angelic backdrop. A rythmic flow and hardened delivery set the tone for what is more than just some ordinary track; Lu made this a song. But, it's more than a song. This is my anthem nigga. The personfication of urban motifs not only tends to have fun with your creative mind, but actually brings substance in ways that only the elite poets have the ability to create. So, my Chi-Town brethren I appreciate it and

FNF up......

Take a Listen

....Or Cop it Here

Paper Bags Are a Girls Best Friend

Shout out to ButterFaces.

Yo, what a waste huh? I mean either be fine or be ugly already; that way I can easily decide what I want to do with you. Yes, your fun-bags are amazing on that tight little body, but girl your entire head looks like a freakin' Carrot Top/ Helga Pataki hybrid. I really can't continue any longer to elaborate on such a shame, but eh, everybody's face looks good with the lights off right? So baby, do like the vampire, and see me after dark....

*Let it be known....Fergie could still get it homie, uh, yezzir....

The Tears of Unfathomable Sadness

Shout out to South Park's Pyscho Baby.

A.k.a the Scott Tenorman Must Die Episode. A.k.a the epitamy of what is considered F$#%! up. In other words, this episode defines the horror portrayed throughout the entire animated series itself Mmmkay. Lemme just break this joint down for you aight. Cartman buys pubes, tries to get his money back, but loses even more so he creates a mastermind sequence that involves having his nemesis' parents shot and killed, him cutting them up, and cooking them for a chili competition in which he tricks Scott into eating and enjoying, only to call him out in front of the entire town and his favorite band who calls him a p***y and as he cries at the realization that he's digesting mom and dad, Cartman goes ahead and licks the running tears from his cheek calling them "yummy and sweet". Two thumbs up but this nigga might eat em.....

What I couldn't do for you....

You Serve....I'll Hit

Shout out to Volleyball Chicks.

How suggestive are those kneepads...It's as if being a cutie with long legs and ever so workable ba-donkey has become a standard among what I consider to be a top-tier sport in the ratio of fine honey's to imitation dudes with boobies. Rockin' them classic booty shorts and delicate ponytails keeps me wantin you to take the hardcore ball spiking and superman dives into the bedroom, yet still be willing to cuddle afterwards. So, much love to the feminine elite; I have sampled your kind and I tell you, Me Likey. I'm out like sidelines.....

Way to Step Up There Melissa.....

*Side shout of for those of you who like to do it on the beach, you know what im sayin....

Moral Kombat

Shout out to James Frey's A Million Little Pieces.

Every human being capable of interpreting literature should surely add this to the fav shelf of their library. The heart-wrenching, graphic memoir of a victim who struggles with numerous addictions in all the worst ways will toss the mind of any sober individual into a void of despair, loneliness, pain, and the hopeless battle to survive the physical and mental torment of a true addict. The semi narrative format also provides a perspective not often seen which is to utilize deep meaning as it relates to a simple, real world scene of vulgarity and grief. Though, if you know anything about the author, he's officially on Oprah's merc list.......

Cop It For the Low Low...

This is the Worst of Both Worlds

Shout out to The Pre-Teen Queen, Ms. Miley Cirus.

This chick is literally everywhere. From lunchboxes to Q-tips, and bicycles to oven mits. B#%! why are you famous? Yes, Hannah Montana successfully brainwashed 11 yr girls and young emerging homo boys into thinking you inspired them......but honestly, WTF. I don't know if it's your snagger teeth that aid in projecting your voice like an obnoxious flem clotted troll baby, but somethings just not sittin' well, ya dig? Unless you make like Kanye and run this next album over a synthesizer, wait at least 10 yrs till ya tatas come in then make a porno with Corbin Bleu.....

Nature's Practical Joke

Shout out to Tourette's aka The Crazies.

Human beings now have an excuse to proclaim explicatives violently in public and still be seated at a fancy restaurant. It's more of a privilege than anything. Plus, the ones with chicken-style neck jerking also get those conviently cozy neckbraces which add a unusual style to your Kmart brand graphic tees and hand-me-down cargos. And, since the parents are still letting you stay with them, surely mom will cook up a delicious feast for your 40th b-day. Ahhhh, this is the life. F#&!, Tits, S#*% Butthole!!!!

Meet Bob Saget's Biggest Fan.....

Laugh My Effing Anus Off

We Should All Hold Hands...But, Swine Flu is Going Around, So......

Shout out to Racial Differentiating.

Look, is it my fault I can't tell the difference between a Chinese kid and a Korean one? Can't I just leave it at "Asian" and call it a day? And yah, when all you white boys wear cargo shorts and flip flops 365 don't get mad when I don't remember who's name is Brad and which one is Dave. Now, I know my bias is going to stray heavily towards us negroes, but real talk, at least we have a plethora of shades. You know, the light skinned sunny bruthas like myself, mocha lotte, average boring brown color, the getting a little too dark for comfort, and finally the "strate outta Africa, night-time disappearing, charcoal resembling, supa smile" niggas...But, it's all L-O-V-E.

Mmmmm, this IS a tasty burger!!!

Shout out to Samuel L Jackson's Pulp Fiction Jheri Curl.

Bruh, that ish is awesome. Much love to Johnny T's semi-mullet as well. All in all this entire movie is pretty badass. The cult classic scrambled every aspect of the hardcore universe into a line slimmer than the one Uma did off a public bathroom sink. I mean violence, drugs, and fine women make a good movie regardless, but add the ultimate urban gunslingers rockin bloodied dress coats and personal head grooming abominations.....just hand em' their award now.

English MuthaF#%&!, Do You Speak It!!!

Uhhh, Yah That's My Penis, Sorry....

Shout out to Inconvienent Boners.

Why did that finest chick in class have to sit at the front of class on the day of my presentation? It's a little hard for people to focus on my Civil War speech when my bulge has taken center stage. Such cursed erection has again thwarted me unexpectedly and with no remorse might I add. Oh shizzy, and the anticipation keeps on building. If only I hadnt worn my slim fits today I could have already attempted the sly "tuck in the waistband" maneuver. Ah, well. Guess I'll just let homeboy ride out.....

These Pretzels Are Makin' Me Thirsty

Shout out to A Show About Nothing.

Yes, It's true. I'm black and I love Seinfeld. For some reason this show about nothing has me laughing at something every single time. Capturing the cues of everyday life in regards to anything thing that can and will go wrong, this show has it all. Quick wit mediator Jerry leads his crew of friends including the retro-hottie Elaine, ultimate failure George, and eccentric neighbor Kramer. Yes, we all know Michael Richards did go off on a racist tangent not too long ago but homie you are easily forgiven simply because you make me laugh.....

People, this is F#%$! funny...

...And for those of you that know and love.

In Death We Rise....

Shout out to Zombies.

In anticipation for the upcoming film Zombieland I guess I'll take the time to recognize the significance of the living dead. Aside from numerous succesfull films spotlighting human horrors of all types, the ultimate success of the zombie is undoubtadely aiding the late Michael Jackson in his creation of the greatest music video of all time. I mean I really had no idea that zombies could dance like that, it's incredible. I'm still a little confused though about the fact that, even though your dead, I can kill you by blowing your head off......

Rest in Peace, Unless of Course....Nah, I'll Skip the Pun.

Oh, I Hate Swag Surfin' By the Way....

Shout out to Collard Shirts.

What's the deal? Unlike buttons, zippers, or even drawstrings, collars have no apparent signficance other than being the standard for me to enter a dance club. Who's the guy that even decided to keep some extra flaps goin after a screw up with the sewing machine. You surely are brave my friend, for you initiated the fashion revolution of the white boy clothing avatar and a sequence of negroes failing to emulate such style with sizes three times over.....

Golden Showers Bring Spring Flowers

Shout out to Urination.

Ahhhhh. On the list of "best feelings ever" I'm gonna have to go head and rate taking the perfect piss at a close second, only surpassed by the cousin known as busting a load. Especially those drunken pee's; you know, the ones that last like two freakin' minutes and in the ecstasy of intoxication bring us back to reality. Oh blessed relief, how I enjoy the rythmic sounds of your tinkle.....

Sorry Ladies, but this one's for the Fellas...

You Got a Friend in Me

Shout out to the Polar Bear.

Yes, the white knight of the teddy kingdom is my favorite species aside from humans and let me tell you why. Aight, so when I was an infant right my parents got me this stuffed Coca-Cola polar bear that I slept with every single night. Now for some reason I held onto that bad boy for somewhere around fourteen or fifteen yrs and any night i'm home we have a warm snuggle before I fall asleep {Super No Homo}. Anyway, since it usually happens to be the last thing I see before falling asleep, homie often finds his way into my dreams in all the strangest ways. From fighting crime together to saving chicks who we eventually bang (definately don't ask me how this works), we buddies for life both in reality and whatever other spectrum dreams are considered. So, much love to my no-named stuffed best friend, ride or die........

#3 On the List of America's Most Disgraceful

Nega-Shout out to the Fox News Channel.

Breaking News: "We hate niggers. Oh...wait, wait we hate Mexicans too don't forget that. It's so friggin awesome that we live in America and if you don't, you suck! We're like the coolest buncha white guys around so don't mess with us. See how Mr. Beck fake cries everytime he tells the story about how white Jesus created America; what a sensitive, nice guy he is. And wise old Bill-O will take on any negro that wants to hop in the spin zone. That Snoop Doggy fellow sure doesn't wanna mess with him. Hey Hannity, it's so cool that you didn't vote for Obama cause then we would have to kick you off the air like we did your buddy Colmes. So suck it all you unbiased news channels out there. We got enough money from our homie Bush to last us at least twenty or thirty liberal free years...Long live white man's America!"

Our plan is almost complete!!!

"Hey Girl, Are You Up? 'Cause I Am...."

Shout out to Morning Wood.

Uhhh, yah I'm not gonna say much about my 8 A.M. boner other than it's great for that wake up vag banging that we all know and love. Scientists might have some fancy explenation for why my Anaconda is a morning person, but I give credit to my Lord Jesus for giving Man the power to overthrow right off the jump......

I Have a Suggestion.....Secession

Shout out to America's Worst State, Wyoming.

You just suck OK....why are you even here? All your residents, all your pet cows, all that freakin grass....SUCKS. Until the boredom of Political Science class brought me so close to unconsciousness that lazily skimming across a map of the country to stay awake was my only option....bruh I had literally forgotten you even existed. Don't even be mad either. There's a reason your name begins with "wy". Only reason you were even created was because they needed a place to film Gone With the Wind. I mean I'm not even gonna lie Wyoming, if you were a person I would just beat ya' ass on the spot because you deserve it.......

Less is More....than Unecessary

Shout out to The Bum Who Invented the Unicycle.

Nigga how lazy are you. Dude tried to build a bike, sucked, and just said "F#@! it". Then his idiot cousin discovered the remaining wheel in the basement, screwed on the seat, and one of the most pointless inventions ever was created. I mean really, what's the point. I just saw a kid struggling to ride one of these across campus and, after falling off three times, realized that walking is like eight times faster. It's like somebody who rides one of these has intentionally chosen to inconvenience themselves and surely make their balls as sore as a swift kick. Thanks but no thanks. Oh, and for those of you who are actually good at this thing, get the hell outta here.......

Thank You

It's the Circle of Freakin Life....

Shout out to The Lion King.

Ima just say it 'cause I know everyone is already thinkin it.....THIS IS THE GREATEST ANIMATED FILM OF ALL TIME. Frontrunner of Disney's Golden Era formally known as the Disney Renaissance {check it}, this classic exemplifies every single thing a kids' movie should. I mean lions personifying the essence of love, friendship, and bravery in the face of that badass uncle trying to take over the friggin kingdom....it's just awesome. Each and every character became of staple of excellence among the animated world. Not to mention the countless subliminals; From Timon and Pumba's Hakuna Mutata, which is surely what animals sing when they're high on that good herb. To the surely racist baboon dude who was like a bum version of Bob Marley living in a hut made from his own feces. And, of course the secret jungle lovin' my boy Simba got made it a happy ending. I could go on for days, but instead lets all just take the time away and pop this bad boy into the VCR stat.......

Or just watch it illegaly on YouTube...

One Word: FAIL

Shout out to Those Band Kids.

You know the ones that are like a sporadic cult of awkward talent, generic fashion sense, and 90's cartoon obsessors. That one kid who's kinda cool enough to socialize amongst the normies really because it's cool to diversify, the "gotta be homo" co-leader who be workin that tuba with a little too much tongue, that nigga who does actually get girls but they super fugly and in the band to so it don't count, another that has embraced his universal nerdiness to the fullest, and the one who is really somewhat talented but is too into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to be considered a reasonable human being........

Side shout out the Homie that actually knows these niggas and to the actual niggas for not takin this the wrong way lol.

Wrong,but I did it anyway.

#5 On the List of America's Most Disgraceful

Shout out to the Douche of the Year.

Look Kanye, we know you're really good at being an A-hole bruh, it's cool on occasion. But nigga come on, you takin it a little too far this time. For those of you who may have been under a rock the other night, Mr. West had yet another chance to shine at the VMA's. The incident involving award winner Taylor Swift left the crowd both shocked and angry as the night continued without him. Though my honey Beyonce surely deserved the award, and elegantly redeemed Swift by the end of the night, Ye ultimately crossed the line on this one. You still my nigga tho.....

His greatest moment yet...I cannot stop laughing.

Midnight Subliminals

Shout out to Dreams.

Talking polar bears, a deformed midget Nigerian, cop cars dragging old women behind them, a hat store for gigantic heads, my family has left me, and now I'm falling. Yah, I've had this one more than once. Nuff said....

Baby Dog > Baby Human

Shout out to Puppies.

Does it get any better people? If these living gift baskets of warmth, innocence, and love don't make you happier than Kanye West in a mirror shop, you deserved to be kicked in both kneecaps......and I'll be glad to do it. There literally is no quicker way to get the honey's either beside a sack of cash or a couple ecstasy pills at the bottom of their Heineken. To frollic for a lifetime in an open field of daisies beside my brigade of young Shih Tzus would be heaven {NO HOMO}. I mean come on, when you can't even get mad cleaning their poo, that's somethin special......

Side Shout out to God on this one....appreciate it homie.

Awwwwww

I Believe I Can Fly

Shout out to The Greatest of All Time.

There really isn't much that I can say about Micheal Jordan that hasn't already been said countless times. Anyone who truly knows basketball understands that there will never be anyone like Mike EVER. Side Shout out to Kobe for makin' it close in his own respect, but homie....MJ dunn dunn it all. Today he was inducted into the Hall of Fame, formally rewarded as arguablly the greatest athlete of all time, much less our generation. Much love goes out to my childhood idol; I appreciate you holdin' it down for us in the Chi and bringing all those champs home. You are the greatest......

Let's bring back the short-shorts....

First Rule of Fight Club

Shout out to the UFC.

Lord have mercy. Senseless violence like this hasn't been legal since before the Civil Rights movement. A modern day battle of the gladiators tosses two universally trained powerhouses into the Octagon for only one to remain with both front teeth intact. As the proposed lesser of the two, my only resolve is to enjoy full HD carnage in the safety of my dorm room. Though the UFC has ultimately tossed society back to the primal age of cavemen, the only way I will stop watching is when someones head actually falls off......

*Side Shout out to former Fear Factor host Joe Rogan and his overlly dramatic commentary. My fav line, "Fear may not be a factor, but you just got knocked the F$%# out!"

With No Regard For Human Life

Shout out to the 90's Los Angeles Lakers.

You brought me an a**hole Goliath lookin' beast of a center and a newly hatched Black Mamba with a fro that defined the laws of fashion and society in general. Easily my second favorite squad to win multiple titles in such glorious fashion, them Bad Boys were the reason I devolped such a sweet jumper with which I school niggas to this day.....

Together we remenisce