John Livingston's My Hero

Shout out to Birds.

The gift of flight truly is something I envy. With the sky as a limitless playground who needs Xbox 360....Yah, I'm sure nests aren't the most comfortable, and surely tornado season has to be a bitch, but you can fly bruh. Of course, beaks aren't that great and mom throws up dinner for you to eat each night, but bruh.......you can fly. I mean I understand the occasional redneck trying to shoot you down with a twelve guage every now and then is really an inconvienent pain in the feathered ass, but bruh, listen.....you can fly.

Posterboy writes a good book...

A Place For Learning...

Shout out to Whoever's Sitting Behind Me.

Dude, F#$! You. How sporatic is your leg twitch that you need to pretend field goal punt the back of my seat every five seconds bruh?? And nigga, breathe through your nose already. I have heavy winds gusting my neck hair relentlessly. The gum might help with that breath, but the "chew, chew, smack, smack" for an hour and fifteen is going to force me to "stab, stab" you after class. How many f$%@*% packs do you go through a week nigga......

Professor will handle this...

Why Are You Still On???

Shout out to Facebook Addicts.

Aside from the collection of useless, overly emotional status updates that constantly flood my "couldn't give a f%$!" eyes and the annoyingly random, cock-headed, self-taken profile pictures with uber queer descriptions, it's just become too much to bear. Couple words of advice: Kill Yoself......

*Not literally, but you get the picture...

I Love You, Like a Fat Kid Loves Cake

Shout out to Obesity.

Look, I completely sympathize with all you fattys out there. Eating is good. Who needs exercise when the very act of opening your mouth to engulf 3 or 4 mayonnaise sandwiches causes you to sweat uncontrollably ? Utlizize your artistic expression with poems of ham and decorate those bare walls with a couple dozen "diabetes-explosion" burger wrappers. And yo, wow convienent it to have a natural head rest built right into your neck? Who cares if you havn't seen your penis in nine years? Sex is surely an impossibility for you by now. Just take a seat and relax. Bruh, it's fine, we were gonna throw out that steel chair anyway.....

Samuel Understands...

Kids are the Future

Prisoner of Words

Shout out to Def Poetry Jam

Yet another progressive form of expression that WE, specifically, are able to embrace and enjoy....this joint has ultimately become one of my favorite things EVER. Each night a smooth cat by the name of Mos Def hosts a plethora of lyrical deviants, who, often to the surprise of their celebrity, never cease to please. With the power of words they attack the stage, using the essence of drama, comedy, emotion, and diction to sway the audience. I am always obliged to listen...My only fault is that the homie Nas never shut it down. Duece.

Tears for Water

Overshadowed by Fro....

Weddington Would Dig This

Keep On...

Taste the Rainbow

Shout out to Racial Stereotypes.

Alright, yah my penis is huge but is it right to automatically assume? I'm not gonna say white people can't dance just because I went to a club in Utah once it shut down after the first night. Yes, it helps explain why white girls are born with no ass, but I don't judge. Plus, how can all Asians know kung-fu when they're too busy studying all day? I know ninjas don't sleep, but we cannot all master the ancient Art of the Blade and still make it to our 6 AM advanced physics class on time. It's a shame the Hispanics ability to pile a family of 18 into a mini cooper constantly overshadows the social bond that they inherently share......One Love.

Wiki's Got You Covered...

*I, in no shape or form, mean to offend anyone. I'm black, so........

BFF (Best F%$#ing Friend)

Shout out to Friend's w/ Benefits.

What's a friendship without a non-spoken contractual agreement that regular cuddling and the occasional boning can occur without any threatening emotional attachment whatsoever, regardless of the human nature to associate sexual intimacy with feelings of security, care, and love? Now I get the Toy Story classic, "You've Got a Friend IN Me".....Whoah.

From the Ashes, We Will Rise

Shout out to Haiti.

The worst place on Earth just got alot worse....May our prayers be with you.

Today.....Nobody Cares

Shout out to Lupe Fiasco's I'm Beaming.

In response to a prolonged release of the projected genius that is another one of Lu's mixtapes, some nigga up and leaked what most would assume to be the first single off his upcoming album, Lasers. As usual, Lupe brings the heat like no other ghetto nerd could and defines the record over a smooth ass beat, courtesy of the Neptunes. But I can only replay this ish so many times in a day bruh, so make wit the quickness and give us niggas what we want.........Please.

Sneak a peak...

Or cop it here....

I (Heart) Robot

Shout out to Pixar's Wall-E.

Yoooo, this joint is nothing short of incredible, cute (no homo), and epic. Volleyed by a genius combination of uber-impressive, futuristic CGI and quirky storyline, this film has just vaulted itself within the list of greatest Disney films of all time. The next generation of children's animation officially has a new face.....or more like a pair of metallic eye sockets with humanoid bulbs and LED corneas. I'm out like space....

#8 On the List of America's Most Disgraceful...Vol. 2

Shout out to MTV's the Jersey Shore.

Where else are we able to watch 8 Guidos/Guidettes willingly live in a house, bring as much shame possible to the Italian stereotype, boost the annaul STD statistic, and still have time to maintain a decent spray on tan? Why I spend an hour each week shaking my head at countless moments of this cultural disgrace eludes me......

The Predecessor....

Guido form of intimacy.....

Congrats, You're Officially Black....

Shout out to White Women.

Once again you have conspired to ruin the honorable reputation of yet another famous negro. Genetically designed to be drawn by the softened, innocent complexion of blondie goldiggers and their double D cups, our brains will forever fall to your strong, erotic temptation. So, to my nigga Tiger, don't sulk.....For your record-setting mistress title is only the product of instinct, excecuted quite impressively might I add. Props to your golden pipe laying abilities.....

Return of the King......

Shout out to Any & Everything.

It's the beginning of a new decade so let's go ahead and give a quick hand for You and Me. As we once again reflect on those shallow annual resolutions, say eff that, slap yourself, and do something worth doing. Life is short, much like my attention span, so it's time to ride out. Again, I grace you with my perspective of this world, altered both by the influence of pop culture and "the urban gardener's product". So, sit back, relax and take a toke from that good good I call GlobalStageHand.....

In the Beginnning....

*Side shout out to '09