You Sank My Destroyer!

Shout out to Hot Stall vs. Stall Action.

After getting through another awkward, yet formidable exchange of grunts and plops in the isolated sanctum that is the University Center's first floor bathroom, I felt compelled to deem myself the unquestionable victor of one epic battle. Never before had I experienced such a rush....breaking a silent air with the thunderous ka-plunk of my steaming bowels. A tricky opponent indeed, his relentless array of human chocolate certainly signified some impressive lunchtime preparation...and though I hardly broke a sweat, I still applaud you sir.

Ladies, Ladies....Nice
Dane's Perspective

Who Talks Like That??

Shout out to Jason Mraz

This dude's sound is so dope and smooth, he could make it cool to wear a man purse. Single leather strap, convenient side pouch, and masculine embroidery all day son. I won't say anymore cause then that might actually be gay....
Just Listen:

Uh Lee Luh Luv
Nintendo Been Givin Me the Blista...

All Hail King James

Shout out to Revenge.

A fallen king has returned to claim his throne...and take a dump on all of the unworthy peasants who have relished in their meaningless hatred for far too long. Tonight Lebron came back to Cleavland, silenced his most noble haters, and thrusted his chalk ingrained seed among his former recluse in a fashion rarely seen among civil human society. And, while I still refuse to bandwagon Miami and it's hot latina residents to a final's appearance, tonight's performance surely deserves praise. Cav's fans can still suck it....

I'm Taking My Talents to Yo Ahhh
We Reminisce...

I Ate Too Much Gravy

Shout out to the Post-Thanksgiving Dump.

As I spread thine blessed buttcheeks over said glistening porcelain receptical, I begin to reminisce on the true essence of national turkey day. The savage rape of a native land and utter domination of the white man's magic boom sticks is overshadowed by the fact that at some point there was some corn shared and Thomas Irvansmithenwood banged the chief's daughter on the Mayflower after supper, creating an everlasting bond of "civility" between the fair and brownskinned.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Majorium Erectus!!!

Shout out to Real Life Hermione.

Emma Watson singlehandedly had a brutha severely aroused for the majority of last nights Harry Potter : Deathly Hollows midnight screening. And, while the theater ran bountiful in hot teen wannabees, flaunting delish mini skirts and striped ties, somehow Emma's simplistic hottness and humble stare of lustful desire still had a nigga fiendin for some magic, pun intended.

Leave Me Be

Shout out to All Hopelessness.

I slowly awoke this morning with sadness in my heart and depression personified making an attempt to overcome my mind. In other words...life sucks. No more questions. I don't wanna talk about it.

Face Sweater

Shout out to All Naturale.

It's no shave November so toss those clippers, shavers, all that. Let nature take it's course among your face, from stuble to vine, a transformation is taking place. So while the adolescent thrive among our post-puberty growth suffering, enjoy it we accept. For soon you'll have said cursed pubes, till then you are safe kept.

.....ahhhh poetry.

Whoah......

Shout out to Spoonie Luv.

A resident of Southside Yankersville and all around playa playa, Doctor Luv epitomizes the sexual deviance of a true romantic. Cascading his adorably thick man breasts across the screen, blanketed by a fashion forward leapard skin garb, Spoonie captivates us with his earnest words, spiced by the sensuality of a promiscuous whisper. But, homie is quite picky ladies....specifically a hot puppet honey with strong knees, C-section scar, and a badonkadonk butt. Them double horizontals need a good home....

Talent Wanted.....
Don't Use that BBQ Sauce!

Back to A Topic...

Shout out to J. Cole's "Friday Night Lights"

Bravo, Jermaine. Bravo. It is not often that hip hop, let alone a mixtape, can be so soulfully smooth and real, that it's almost given me wood halfway through the tracklist. Featuring the expansive list of boss producers including Kanye, Omen, and Syience, J's newly-released brain child blends the composition of today with the lost art of storytelling that once dominated the realm of dope rhyme spittas from yesteryear. So as your exclusive membership in the clubhouse of rap revitalization hits another tab on the bill, I congratulate thee sir. Radio niggas can still suck it though....

Don't Shop It, Just Cop It....

Livin for the Citaaaaay

Shout out to Urbanity.

Yes, it's a word. The accumulation of graffiti laced, crack-fiend inhabited, suit in the slum, fast-paced, pot-hole street life is where diversity truly exists. No where else will you see a supposed Buddhist monk on the corner preaching inner-peace, while also selling homemade pamphlets to satisfy his PCP addiction.....And, while it becomes habit to walk way faster than necessary (usually because a homeless man has been following you since 5th ave) it's a reminder that we're all either going somewhere....or nowhere.

What's not to love?
Santa Beats a Black Man
Look Both Ways
Beat His Ahhh!!

Encore! Encore!

Shout out to Revival.

If it wasn't for Jesus getting done dirty, sacrificing himself, then rising from the dead to say "eh bruh, aint no killin me", this would single handedly be the greatest return to ever satisfy the needs of a struggling humanity. Inspired by the relish of my former compositions and the necessary outlet that my brain child once was...the UnCoolest Nigga has returned, in all his dopeness. So without further adoodoo, I present to you the one, the only, anticlimactic comeback of GlobalStageHand....

The End is Near....

Peace & Love

Due to my lack of anticipation and urge to expand the spectrum of creativity which is GlobalStageHand......a nigga movin to Wordpress. An update will soon come to direct the transition but as of now, I'm done bruh. I'll peep yall on the other side and thanks to those that may follow in my footsteps of pointless observation. (Side shout out to Seinfeld for the inspiration.)

A Lifetime of Being a Toll Booth Operator....

Shout out to Boredom.

Under what circumstance does my mind come to the conclusion that current status is a necessary alleviation and that something dope needs to soon be transitioned to otherwise my brain will essentially field goal punt the ish out of me? Pretty much 24/7. I'm literally bored out of my mind typing this worthless assembly of words. If it weren't for Youtube and the occasional honey pretending I'm a pummel horse and she's a world class gymnast....I would ultimately spend every waking moment contemplating how else i could recklessly be wasting my time.

I Am the Future....

Shout out to the Intern.

Uhhhh, yah sure…I can go ahead and alleviate myself of all the post-secondary knowledge that I’ve been forcibly trained in over the past years and grab you a cup of coffee, bud. One or two sugars? And, by the way, the local drycleaners was closed, so I personally took your laundry down to the best shop I could find. The drive? Nah, 45 minutes out of the way is nothing. I was able to stop by and pick up those doughnuts for you on the way back, sir. Actually, can I have one of those?I had to work through lunch….

All I Want is More Recess.....

Shout out to Childhood.

Maaaaan, how I miss those innocent days of mom-guided fashion, daydreams of M&M's for dinner, lack of a significant educational grading system, and my skill of general time wasting.....I pray this bad boy be invented soon enough so that I may go back to cutting up dead frogs in the backyard, remaining eco-friendly by not showering daily, and having no idea of how strenuous females and their cooties would become in my very near future.....